Arthur 'chicken legs' Blank,
CEO. Home Depot Inc.

Old 'chicken legs' can run with the best of them, and usually does at the first sign of trouble! As CEO of Home Depot, he has yet to turn and face the fact that his company is fueling the destrction of the world's last remaining ancient rainforests. In 1992, his company promised to phase out old-growth forest products, and in 1997 promised to stop selling redwoods from northern California. Arthur has been on the run from these promises ever since, but no man can run forever! 'Chicken legs' is slowly running out of steam. Pressure from activists across North America will soon force Home Depot's CEO into a full stop to face his conscience (let's hope he has one) and full-fill the promises he's made.

Bill 'Old School' Sauder, Chairman of International Forest Products (Interfor).

'Old School' Sauder is a tough nut to crack - he has been in the business of logging ancient forests for over 30 years, laying whole ecosystems to waste and breaking numerous Provincial & Federal Laws. Today, his company is itching to log Clayoquot Sound, and is still logging the Great Bear Rainforest & Stoltmann Wilderness despite the fact that customers in Europe are refusing to buy his products because of Interfor's substandard logging practices. The word on the street (that's Wall Street) is that Interfor fell on hard times in late 1998, slipping into soft receivership due to poor sales. If Home Depot stops buying from Interfor and Sauder mouldings (both owned by 'Old School' Sauder), they could finally push Sauder into retirement, ensuring the survival of much of the Great Bear Rainforest in the process.

Patrick 'Pinocchio' Moore,
Forest Alliance

A mouthpiece for the BC logging industry, Pinocchio moved over to the dark side after helping to found Greenpeace in the early 1970's. Lately, he's accepted big fat pay cheques to defend clearcut logging and create the image that all is well in the woods. But his smoke screen of propaganda and cloak of pseudo-science are wearing thin. Even his employer, the Forest Alliance of B.C. has fallen on lean times. Their funding was cut dramatically when B.C.'s biggest logging company, MacMillan Bloedel, decided that associating with Pinocchio was bad for business. Meanwhile, Pinocchio's nose keeps on inching its way ever outwards as he desperately clings to his tired old rhetoric. Don't be confused by him, beware, he's no ordinary puppet, just a 'BIG FAT LIAR'!

Herb 'Dirty Tricks' Doman,
CEO, Doman Industries.

A slippery dude this one, 'Dirty Tricks' Doman likes to hang low and let his chief forester, Bill Dumont take the fall for logging Spirit Bear Habitat in the Great Bear Rainforest. In 1996 his 'Dirty Tricks' were called in by the B.C. Securities Commission. Doman was busted and convicted for insider trading and fined $1,000,000. Customers are also wising up to his dirty tricks. Over in Europe, clients are cancelling contracts faster than the Exxon Valdez dumped its load of oil off the coast of Alaska, and Doman's company is rapidly bleeding red ink. If Herb doesn't change his ways and begin to walk an honest road, he will continue to lose both customers and the confidence of his investors.

Jack 'the Walrus' Monroe, Chairman,
Forest Alliance of B.C.

As the president of the IWA (the Canadian loggers trade union), 'Big Jack' has been selling out logging industry workers for years. He's done nothing to defend the workforce against downsizing, keeping those that still had a job quiet with higher wages. More recently, 'Big Jack' has become a defender of logging corporations. His bombastic style is well suited to rile a crowd of loggers, drawing attention away from environmental issues, allowing the real criminals - logging company executives - to sit back and stay out of the limelight. But don't be fooled by his demeanor, this man moves as slow as the multi-nationals he defends, and couldn't argue his way out of a paper bag.

Hank 'the untouchable' Ketcham,
CEO, West Fraser Timber.

This timber baron thinks he is untouchable, exporting most of his spoils to the US, steering clear of 'environmentally-minded' Europeans as well as not directly supplying Home Depot. But our man in Washington DC has the inside scoop on some of Hank's dirty laundry. You see 'Mr. Untouchable' has been dealing trees to the US multinational Proctor & Gambles. Customers who, in conjunction with Hank's company, have single-handedly laid an entire run of oolichan fish to waste in Kitimat. His outfit intends to log some 20 pristine valleys in the Great Bear Rainforest but now that his dirty laudry is out on the line, Hank's hidden mandates will be untouchable no more!

For More Information Contact Mission Control:

Forest Action Network
Box 625, Bella Coola, BC, V0T 1C0, Canada
Tel: (250) 799-5800  Fax: (250) 799-5830
Email: fanbc@fanweb.org

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^{Last Updated Saturday, May 29, 1999 06:49 PM.}